Signs You're Dating A Narcissist

Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist? It's much worse than simply being with a jerk. Because a narcissist will turn your life upside down. IF you allow them to. Navigating these rocky dating streets is a whole different beast today. With the increase of social media, the fact that podcasts are popping up like daises. There are more men and women creating platforms for nothing more than narc fuel. What is fuel, you may ask? Well, let me give you the tea on how to survive dating a narcissist person.

• Inflated Sense of Ego

 Now there is nothing wrong with feeling confident and assured of one’s self. But when someone has an arrogant, pompous & entitled sense of self. Means they lack what most humans have. Which is empathy for others because they’re so concerned about their own life they could never be understanding of your personal needs. Thus, wouldn’t make for a good partner.

• Gaslighting

Gaslighting has to be the highest form of emotional abuse. Making someone doubt their own perception of reality has to be the most manipulative thing to endure. For ex, you tell your partner that you aren’t happy that they keep cancelling your date night plans at the last minute. Instead of being more understanding and correcting the issue. Your partner may say something like, “Here you go again, always complaining. It’s a wonder why I date you at all. You know that I have to work. Why can’t you be more understanding.” Guilting you into believing that the reason why you’re being treated like a non-priority is merely the fault of one person. Leads one to feel inadequate, non-worthiness and makes one try harder to win the approval of their partner. If they don’t catch this sooner rather than later.

• Triangulation

If you’ve never heard of the term ‘triangulation’ it simply means drawing in a ‘third party’ to change the mind or dynamics of an environment. Something that narcissists love to do. Best believe when you are dating one of these individuals. Because they are ruled by the constant need of supply and fuel. One partner is never enough to sustain them. There will always be cheating going on in the relationship. We categorize this by ‘main supply’ and secondary supply.

The main supply is the one who basically supplies all of the narc’s needs. Whether that is money, networking-clout, introducing the narc to their circle of prestigious friends. Usually, they are in a committed (non-committed) relationship.

Secondary supply may be the one who is more often than not the sexual partner. Supplies the need for the narc when things are on the rocks with the main supply. The narc thinks in black & white. Narcissistic people will paint a picture of you within their mind as being all black (all bad) or all white (all good.)

Usually, a narc will pit supplies against each other. Flaunting one in your face to see if you will get jealous. Fight harder to hold on to them. All pure manipulation is what triangulation is. Never fight over the narcissist, you are being fooled and lied to.  When you notice what is going on here, leave immediately.

• Hot/cold Intermittent reinforcement

This is the most tumultuous part of the narcissistic relationship to endure. It is the equivalent of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde. One minute they are enamored with you. The texts and phone calls are plentiful. The relationship seems sweet and loving. Just as you are beginning to let your guard down. He or she pulls the rug right from under you. No more are you on the high pedestal that you thought you were on.

The change in behavior comes out of nowhere. You think things are over and just as you are ready to move forward with your life. Here is the narcissist reaching out again wanting to reconcile the relationship. There is a reason for this. It is called, “Intermittent Reinforcement.” Giving you breadcrumbs, just enough to keep you hanging on to something that’s really not worth hanging on to. This creates a trauma bond to the narcissistic person. Think of Stockholm syndrome if you will. You don’t know when the next time you’re going to receive a copious amount of affection and attention so when they give it;  you are so eager to gobble it up. You’re not even realizing that they are abusing you.  

• 3 Stages of Narc Abuse

• Love bomb-this is the first stage of narc abuse. But is often overlooked because this is when the narc has his or her masks on. During the love bomb stage, the victim is being showered with so much attention, affection, and generosity. The narc is also enjoying this stage because this is when they get the most fuel out of their supply. You’re taken out on plenty of dates, shown off to friends and family. During this time, a new unsuspecting person dating could think they’ve found their soulmate. Until that is…

• Devalue-the devalue phase is when the abuse begins to ramp up. The dates, texts and phone calls are few and far between. The narc begins to nitpick over the smallest minute things in the relationship. Stuff you use to do that they once loved they now hate. When you try to speak up about the changes you’re noticing, you are now being blamed for everything because they lack accountability. Then you are painted black and placed on a ‘shelf’ until they choose to deal with you again. Usually, a narc is stone walling you or giving you the silent treatment. Which means to ignore and cut off all forms of communication. Perhaps,  using this time to spend with other sources of supply.

• Discarding is when the narc believes that you are no longer valuable. You are of no more use for them. Time is being spent with other sources of supply. Often victims describe this as heartbreaking. You are never discarded for long though. As you are only put on the shelf for later. While you are left alone wondering what happened to my once loving relationship. Weeks or even months go by when you least expect it here comes the narcopathic person reaching out again.

• Hoover-A hoover is simply the process of sucking you back into the relationship much like the Hoover vacuum cleaner. Their job is to make you believe that they want you and them back together again. Truth is, this is a sick manipulative game they play to get you stuck in the trauma bond. There is no love coming from them. You’re seen as nothing more than an object to be used and toyed with at the expense of your heart.

Many victims can spend years trapped in these toxic abusive relationships. Because that is exactly what it is. Abuse; emotional, psychological, verbal. Don’t hold on to breadcrumbs of hope thinking that these people will change Because they won’t! Get out while you can. It will only end horribly. These kinds of individuals only care about what you can do for them. The abuse will only end once you decide to go no contact.

No contact is cutting off all the communication with the narc. Blocking them from your phone and social media. If you want your peace back this is a must. You can’t hold on to the notion that someday they’ll get back to the sweet, lovable person you once knew. That was merely a character, a façade, a mask used to bait you into a relationship. Don’t fall for that. You deserve much better. If you believe that you’re a victim of narc abuse and want to get out. There are channels out there on YouTube that can help you out.

-Channels to look out for

Assc Direct-(Quinn Holliday)

Knowing The Narcissist

Dr. Ramani